A Nickel Ain’t Worth a Dime Anymore
by Angie Brennan
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The Mona Lisa of coins is in the making.
Not long ago mint officials unveiled a new nickel design by Jamie Franki, an associate
professor of art at the University of North Carolina-Charlotte. The coin, which will go into
circulation early next year, features Thomas Jefferson in an atypical presidential coin pose—
facing forward, with a hint of a smile.
Only in America.
Most worldwide currency portraits of national leaders show them as capable, confident, and
strong. Whether they actually typify these qualities is beside the point—everyone knows
that leaders are supposed to be that way.
No more. These days the American ideal of a president—or any government official—is
warm, sensitive, and vulnerable.
Think of the John Roberts hearing. "I don't know what I'm going to do," lamented Sen.
Dianne Feinstein. "My impression today is that you are a very cautious, very precise man ...
and that concerns me more."
Sen. Feinstein would do well to meditate on a statement once made by Thomas Jefferson,
who was most likely not grinning at the time: "Nothing gives one person so much
advantage over another as to remain always cool and unruffled under all circumstances."
Even if it makes it difficult to determine the "fullness of his heart."
Jefferson also said, "I do not take a single newspaper, nor read one a month, and I feel
myself infinitely the happier for it." No doubt that would be an even greater blessing during
weeks when Supreme Court justices nominees are subjected to silliness by senators.
But back to the nickel…the likeness of the old one seems to say, "Thomas Jefferson:
statesman and philosopher." The new nickel could easily have the caption, "Talk to your
doctor about whether oxybutynin is right for you."
This isn’t the first time I’ve seen an artistic attempt to portray the Founders as "just one of
the guys." I once saw a cover of a magazine featuring the Founding Fathers with an unusual
added element: intermixed with the stately patriots were some baggy-jeaned youths. These
representatives of modern America, with backwards baseball caps (after all, it would be
unthinkable to remove their hats, Constitutional Convention or no) were scattered about
the room holding animated conversations with various Fathers. I can only imagine what
they were saying…
Teen 1: Hey, the original George Dubya! So Dub, where are the chicks?
George Washington: Chicks? You inquire, perhaps, about our mid-day meal?
Teen 1: Wrong, Dub, I’m a vegetarian. You know—chicks! Babes! Bring out the
Founding Daughters, dude!
George Washington: I fear for the welfare of our nation.
Teen 1: Don’t sweat it. We got plenty of food stamps to go around.
Or this:
James Madison: My good fellow, I yearn to know whether these guiding principles here
set forth shall indeed endure the test of time.
Teen 2: I totally don’t know, dude, but what’s with the tights?
Or maybe this:
Teen 3: Why the grim face, man?
Thomas Jefferson: Nothing gives one person so much advantage over another as to
remain always cool—
Teen 3: Hey, now you’re talkin’!
Future Supreme Court nominees, take note: want to be a shoo-in for a spot on the Court?
Smile a little and emote a lot. After all, that’s what America is all about: life, liberty, and
the pursuit of giddiness.
That’s my five cents, anyway.
©2005