Busy-Body Building for Women
Empowerment or impairment? You be the judge.

By Angie Brennan

Not long ago I received a flier in the mail advertising a conference for women.

"Now, more than ever," the flier said, "you have unlimited potential when it comes to what you
can achieve." I hoped they would explain why now, more than ever, so I read on: "All it takes
is the right attitude, the right plan, the right opportunities, and the right tools." Is that it? Why,
they make it sound so easy!

There were a number of interesting workshops being offered. One was entitled "Feng Shui:
Hidden messages in one's work environment."

I can see it now: Jane, who has just taken this course, walks into Carol's office. She notes that
the picture of Carol's husband is at a slight angle to the tape dispenser. This gives Jane
powerful insight into Carol's personal matters...

Jane: I'm sorry about your marriage problems, Carol.

Carol: Wha--how did you—

Jane: It seems to me (here she glances toward the window and notes a tropical plant with
some yellowing leaves
) that you and your husband need to talk about your financial
disagreements and put the matter of the toaster oven behind you.

Carol: Hey! Who told—

Jane: And do yourself a favor: lose the natural oak CD holder. If you only realized what it says
about you. I'd go with one of those metal ones, if you get my drift.

Carol: No, I don’t get your—

Jane: See you at the meeting this afternoon.

Carol might be interested in taking another of the workshops being offered: "How to keep
difficult people from ruining your day."

This one also looked interesting: "Tips and techniques for navigating delicate interactions like a
pro. How to address even the most awkward topics—like body odor, bad breath, poor table
manners, and inappropriate dress—in a way that leaves everyone's dignity intact."

At the meeting later that afternoon...

Dave: Okay, I think that about wraps it up, unless anyone has anything else to add.

Jane: Ahem.

Dave: Jane? Did you want to say something?

Jane: That was a great report, Dave; thanks for sharing it. Also, I find that the Island Mist
foaming hand wash conveniently placed by the breakroom sink is very effective for cleaning
hands as well as providing a fresh, pleasant scent.

Dave: Uh, yeah. Okay, thanks, Jane.

Jane: One enjoys being around someone who's just used Island Mist foaming hand wash.

Dave: Right. I’m sure it's a great experience—

Jane: And one doesn’t always enjoy being around those with a, shall we say, distinctly un-
Island Mistlike aroma.

Dave: I think I’ll go wash my hands.

Jane: It takes a strong vice-president of marketing to say that, Dave.

Dave: Thanks, Jane. By the way, you’re fired.

At least Dave’s dignity was left intact.
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